Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
