Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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