Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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