Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
