How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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