so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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