Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
