The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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