Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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