sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
