i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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