Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
