She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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