There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
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Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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