i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
