So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
