she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
