I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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