Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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