the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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