So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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