It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
