its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
