Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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