you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
