i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
