Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
