I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
