Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
