marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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