Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
