It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
