Redeem this text for a blowjob
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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