So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
