I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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