I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
