And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
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Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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