So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
