laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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