He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
