I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
