it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
