I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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