You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This house was built for laser tag.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
