I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
