first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
