So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
