Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
