I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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