Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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