i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize