I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
