im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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