would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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