Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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