there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
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the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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