i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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