Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
