guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
