she looked like the bat from fern gully.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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