Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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